There's no war to begin with. Nor a war to end with. I did things within my own stride without considering others' feelings and was being selfish. That show's i'm still thinking for myself and have yet to change.

I don't intend to seek sympathy or empathy with today's post. The damage is already done and more berating won't help to ease each others' anger. I will not blame it on the outsiders, for i brought myself to my own downfall.

I am a temperamental person while you're stubborn and these 2 trait are like cats and dogs. I'm not making a reference of logic. As much as i understand, we both need time off, i couldn't understand the reason i couldn't be forgiven? I also understand, coming from a better background and credentials, you must have expected a lot more from me to be better than him.

Even when i said i did regret whatever i did in the past, saying sorry won't make up for the damages done. It will be hard to believe and trust me, yes. But to be pulling me down when i've not even shown i've tried my hardest, i felt it was futile.

Like i said, i did admit to the mistakes of the past. And yes, i admit that i did say that we're of different social status, worlds and habits. I didn't put it blatantly that i hate them. There are some things you wouldn't agree upon yet compromise with it. Despite my outbursts, and my fiery reactions, never did i meant a single word i say. Even now, i wished to meet with them to apologize to them in person.

And it was this very flaw of my temper and sarcasms, you promised to walk with me to see the changes. I did regret the very actions of telling Jack off that night, or your school friends while they we're out drunk. But like i said, words and saying sorry won't make up for the damages done.

I was stretched so thin. You gave me missions to take care of myself, when you're not. As much as you didn't mind, for you to behave such, i felt it was my responsibility because i failed to take a swift and steadfast actions before. Now that things are worst, i have to start from scratch. But looking at you wasting your youth away, i couldn't forgive myself for failing to realize it sooner.

And knowing that you still have yet to forgive me for the insults and slaps i gave you, i know things wouldn't be any easier to reach to you when you're filtering out everything i said. My family even sided with you, saying i should tone down. I didn't even know they did apologize to you till you tell me. That also made me realized i failed my own family.

The existence of the outsiders has been a question lately. Your berating of them has a point. But do also remember the point where you told me you want to make me hate you till your guts which i couldn't possibly comply. They are not exactly as bad as you think they are because they asked me to think of the consequences. But knowing that i couldn't hate you in any possible way, you could hate me instead.

I didn't mean to involve others. But i was so paranoid of your changes that i took things into my own hands. I rant on everything that i could so that i could trigger your anger and you will hate me instead. They wished me luck and hopefully things will get better, and did tell me if it's possible do not give it up. It's not right for you to blame them entirely when i am the one who executes everything.

I do not understand the idea behind backstabbing you. Why would i even be backstabbing someone i loved so dearly. & in the previous sms you stated that a friend of mine told you that I've been doing so even before the temporary breakup. My circle of friends that knows you are so small that even when i asked each and everyone of them, they will point to the same person.

While i was told it was a stupid thing to do to apologize, i do not wish to drag things on with him. I am still on talking terms with him, and we do still sms. We're getting along better and we've both apologize and wished each other best of luck in our own relationships. Yes, they are friends of 4 - 9 years. And to a certain degree, i do trust them. But there are just some stuffs that you tend to tell some people and some to all. Doesn't it occur to you before too? That some things are just meant for a few to know. I intend to explain but to write it in details in sms, i'm very sure it will end up with more misunderstandings.

Yes, you might no longer be interested in reasons and alibis. And even if you read this, you must have think of it as a stupid reason. To involve both parties friends, it was very thoughtless of me. Though i know the consequences, there are some truth behind whatever is written. I don't expect you to forgive me,or hate me in the process, i would just like to clarify certain matters. Yet, if there's 1 thing we could agree on, both parties wouldn't want to see you changed for the worst.

Saying sorry to you and everybody now can't replace the damages done to your pride and integrity. But what i can do at the very least is to respect your decision. I would like to be a better person and I've failed yet again. I'm sure you're still angry with me. I would also like to clear the matters with regards of doing things for Sheila and Violet. In fact, most of our quarrels was the outcome of this issue. To them, I've always been so passive. If it's about my past, I'm no different from you either.I've made one went through such pain, that i could have been a father. I was even willing to take responsibility, but sadly the life was taken away from an accident. Till date, i still remember the events that we went through like movie clips. I hope that little kid will be able to forgive me for not being able to protect him/her.

The video montage, the heart dance was something that i attempt to try and change about myself. Again, i would like to make myself clear that i do regret my actions of the past and i want to try harder. But every time you pulled me down, i will be paranoid and you saying that you will make me hate till your guts keep playing in my mind. If there's something that you can berate me off, it will be that i robbed you of the love i gave to Sheila. If the war's still on, i do not wish to take part in it. I believed i've inflicted enough pain to others.

To the people whom I've hurt with the actions on my blog, I, Muhammad Fadli Bin Nordin, NRIC no. S88*****D, regretted my actions. Though apologizing would not suffice, i hope i can be forgiven. I admit i am weak and emotional to let myself be clouded over thoughts of such. If there's something i could do to make things up to prove that I'm sorry, and as long as it's within my constraint, i will do my utmost best to meet with it.

I could never hate you. For you let me rediscover love. I have sworn to wait for you. For you have been the only person who lit up my life. I have always loved you. For I may have failed but i did love you from the start. I know i'm rotten. To be asking for chances after chances, it will be harder for you and our friends to put their trust and believe in me.

After losing my dad and my auntie to colon cancer, & losing my beloved grandmother to stroke, I was told about my uncle who's in the hospital now and is diagnosed with lung cancer. How ironic can my family be? While Parkinson have been hereditary for my mom's side, cancer has been the cause of death for my late father's side of family. While my dad is no. 7 & my auntie is no. 5 of 10 siblings, my uncle's who's having lung cancer is no. 6. Doctors have warned that there's a possibility of my generation to be facing these medical problems when we grow older. Slowly, these old timers are bidding their time. I wonder would i be dying of such medical conditions? Wouldn't it be better that she doesn't bear offspring that has potential medical dysfunctions? I'm still paranoid.